Thanks, Dad

I want to thank my dad - the man who has raised me and loved me throughout my life - for his understanding and support. Without it, I would not feel free to search for my biological father and other paternal relatives. As my dad already knows, nobody could ever take his place. Likewise, it simply is not possible for another man to become a second dad to me. I am grateful that he realizes that I am in no way trying to reject or replace him, but instead I just hope to find answers to my questions. So, thanks, dad! Raising me as his own and giving me the freedom to find my relatives without guilt are both bigger gifts than he probably realizes.

Are You My Mother? - Children's book by P.D. Eastman

Oddly enough, this book, Are You My Mother?, was one of my all-time favorites as a preschooler. I had not thought about the story in years, but it crossed my mind during the long drive home from visiting my maternal family. After going through my own search for my biological father and wondering with each response whether I'd finally found him, I realized the uncanny similiarities between it and my own life. Below is the description.

A mother bird is sitting on her egg in her nest. Suddenly the egg jumps, and mother bird realizes that her baby is about to break out of its egg and will be hungry. Away she flies for food. While the mother bird is gone, the baby bird comes out of its shell. The first thing he says is, "Where is my mother?" He starts looking for her but doesn’t see her in the nest. The baby bird wants to find his mother, but forgets that he can’t fly. He falls down, way down out the nest. He starts to walk to find his mother. He doesn’t know what his mother looks like, so he walks right by her. He comes upon a kitten, a hen, a dog, and a cow. The baby bird asks all of them the same question, "Are you my mother?" They all reply no. Before he continues his search, he stops to wonder if he really does have a mother. He is positive he does, so he goes on. Next he comes upon other things, an old car, a boat, and a plane and asks if any of them could be his mother. He gets no reply, so on he goes. The last thing he meets up with, is a great big excavator. He is so sure this is his mother. Finally he has found her! He runs excitedly up to it, climbs on and says, "Mother Mother, here I am mother!" The excavator says to the baby bird, "SNORT". Quickly the baby bird realizes he has made a mistake. This is definitely not his mother. The excavator begins to move and the baby bird is in big trouble now. He cries out, "I want to go home, I want my mother!" The excavator puts the baby bird gently back in his nest and his mother comes home. She asks him if he knows who she is. After the baby bird tells his mother of all the adventures he had looking for her, he says, "You are bird, and you are my mother." This is a terrific book for little ones age 18 months and up.

Happy Holidays

During this time of year, most people gather with family and closest friends. Therefore, I cannot help but think of my missing relatives and wonder where they are. I want to know what holidays they celebrate, what traditions they share, where they all gather, what activities they enjoy together, and what they look like. I would love to hear their family stories told throughout the generations. If I could, I would also give each one a holiday card. For now, though, I will just use this site to send them all warm thoughts and wishes of a wonderful future.

Happy Holidays to my friends, my known family, and everyone else, too!

The Way Life Unfolds

Sometimes people have asked me if my search was worth it given that I have yet to find my paternal family. Without a doubt, the answer is yes. The kindness that I encountered still amazes me. The BCM grads who were initially just strangers in old yearbooks have become an important and meaningful part of my life. When I began my search, it certainly never crossed my mind that I would form close friendships with several of my biological father's former classmates.

However, I am grateful for their ongoing encouragement and compassion. Some have sent me cards, invited me to dinner, introduced me to their families, included me in their holiday celebrations, and even given me their old yearbooks to provide me with the clearest pictures possible to identify my sperm donor. Others send me medical advice, jokes, and funny videos.

Whether or not my biological father ever decides to come forward, I am so thankful for the incredible people I now know as a result of my quest. Just as they call me their "collective pseudo daughter," I truly feel as though I have expanded my nonbiological family through them. We may not always get the end result that we desired, but other outcomes are beautiful in their own way.

Women Line Up to Donate Eggs - Wallstreet Journal

According to this article, there is a surge of women wanting to donate eggs because of the troubled economy.

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB122878524586490129-lMyQjAxMDI4MjA4OTcwODk1Wj.html

Parted-at-Birth Twins Married: Genetic Sexual Attraction

Parts of a BBC article, published earlier this year:

A pair of twins who were adopted by separate families as babies got married without knowing they were brother and sister. A court annulled the British couple's union after they discovered their true relationship.

A peer - who heard of the case from a judge who was involved - said the twins felt an "inevitable attraction." He said the case showed how important it was for children to be able to find out about their biological parents.

Details of the identities of the twins involved have been kept secret, but Lord Alton said the pair did not realise they were related until after their marriage. The crossbench peer, a former Liberal Democrat MP, raised the couple's case during a House of Lords debate on the Human Fertility and Embryology Bill in December.

"They were never told that they were twins," he told the Lords. "They met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation."

Their story raises the wider issue of the importance of strengthening the rights of children to know the identities of their biological parents. We are naturally drawn to people who are quite similar to ourselves. "If you don't know you are biologically related to someone, you may become attracted to them and tragedies like this may occur."

Pam Hodgkins, chief executive officer of the charity Adults Affected by Adoption (NORCAP), said there had been previous cases of separated siblings being attracted to each other. "We have a resistance, a very strong incest taboo where we are aware that someone is a biological relative," she said. "But when we are unaware of that relationship, we are naturally drawn to people who are quite similar to ourselves. "And of course there is unlikely to be anyone more similar to any individual than their sibling."

Mo O'Reilly, director of child placement for the British Association for Adoption and Fostering, said the situation was traumatic for the people involved, but incredibly rare. "Thirty or 40 years ago it would have been more likely that twins be separated and, brought up without knowledge of each other," she said. "This sad case illustrates why, over the last 20-30 years, the shift to openness in adoption was so important," Ms O'Reilly added.
______________________________

First, my heart goes out to this couple. How traumatic to have lost not only their marriage, but a chance to enjoy their newly discovered relationship as twins. This is obviously in no way their fault, yet it must be very devastating.

Genetic sexual attraction is equally relevant to donor conception. In particular, it applies to my generation of donor-conceived offspring where sperm was delivered fresh to a clinic for insemination later that day and the couples going to that clinic lived in the same city. In addition, no limits were placed on the number of children created by any given donor. For example, former donors who went through DNA testing with me produced anywhere from one to hundreds of children.

Therefore, it is probable that many half-siblings born in the late 1970s and early 1980s were raised in the same area. Also, parents back then were advised to never tell the children about their conception. This means that many donor-conceived would be aware of the truth and therefore would not go through DNA testing before entering a serious relationship.

Luckily the chance of this occurring today has decreased. Sperm is now frozen and shipped throughout the world, but it still is another hazard of the industry and another reason why honesty within families is so important.

Postcard Submitted Anonymously: Being Sold

This was submitted anonymously to a site - PostSecret (http://postsecret.blogspot.com/) - that you may or may not be familiar with. People anonymously send in their secrets via postcards. Some are uploaded to the website each Sunday while others are used in books. I think it's important to note that the person who created this postcard had access to paperwork from her donor indicating that his reason for providing his sperm was "money." This caused her pain, given that he did not mention any other motives.

While I do not feel envious of adoptees myself, I did want to share this person's message. I must agree that it is an odd, and somewhat disturbing, feeling to realize that your biological parent, your own flesh, sold you. I, too, said this once on a Canadian radio program. After really thinking about this topic as a result of my own intense search, I came to the realization that my sperm donor had basically been paid $25 to create me and sever all ties forever. Did this cross his mind when he 'donated' (or, more accurately, sold) his sperm? No, probably not. Again, I know and believe that most participate for a combination of money and altruistic reasons.

Yet this leads to the point that many of these men who are recruited for sperm donation are young and naive. With all of the pleas to young men and women to help a family in need yet little discussion of different points of view of the resulting children, I am not convinced that donors are fully aware of what they are doing. Furthermore, the current terminology does not help. By referring to them as "donors," we are minimizing the reality that they are being PAID to CREATE life. Why do we continue to do this? I think it's because "donor" is a much more appealing and comfortable word for the donors, recipients, clinics, and society in general that enables status quo.

Seven Core Issues Identified in Adoption

Seven core issues are now recognized in adoption for birthparents, adoptive parents, and adoptees. These include:

-Loss
-Rejection
-Guilt/Shame
-Grief
-Identity
-Intimacy
-Mastery/Control

Several of these core issues apply to donor conception, too. I will explain the ones that seem, in particular, to relate those of us conceived through gamete (egg/sperm/embryo) donation. My focus here is on the produced children, although I realize that these affect all parties involved in donor conception.

Donor conception, like adoption, would not exist without loss. Parents have frequently lost their dream of having a child due to infertility or other circumstances. In the case of couples, one parent loses the opportunity to have a child sharing a genetic bond. Additionally, the donor-conceived are intentionally seperated from half of their genetic families, whether temporarily (for the first 18 years of life) or permanently (through anonymous donations). Some of us have been forever denied information about our heritage and medical histories, too. In other words, the loss initially experienced by our parents through infertility has been unintentionally transferred to many of us.

Similar to adoptees, some donor-conceived people also experience rejection. Although the "donors" are most often well-intentioned and good people intending to help another family, the resulting offspring may wonder why their biological parent intentionally severed ties with them. Even though the donor never wanted to be in a parental role, some of us still view that person as being far more important than just a "donor." Assuming our donors are married with children, we are equally related to them as are their children through marriage yet we are denied any type of connection with all of them. In some ways, this feels like being a second class citizen. Others may point out that we are very wanted by our parents who sought donor conception, which is true, but we are nonetheless rejected/abandoned by someone who may be very important to us.

We, too, are potentionally set up for grief, yet we are expected by society to be grateful. While many, if not most, of us are happy to be alive, we must grieve over never knowing a biological parent and our own history. We may also grieve over never knowing our aunts, uncles, grandparents, siblings, and cousins. To some of us, this realization feels much like experiencing the death of someone close to us.

Donor-conceived people, especially conceived through anonymous versus known donations, may wonder about the other half of their identity. Some feel incomlete and lack feelings of well-being. Questions may develop, including: Who am I? Where am I from? Where do I belong? What relatives do I look/act like? What is my heritage? Many of us have no way to obtain answers to our questions.

Like adoptees who had no control over being placed up for adoption, donor-conceived had no part in the decision to be a result of reproductive technology. Again, feelings of lack of control applies more to those conceived through anonymous donors. Long before we were born, our parents, clinic, and donor made a decision on our behalf that we would never be allowed to know half of our genetic family. We are a product of this contract, yet we had no voice or ability to advocate for our own needs.

Ending all anonymous donations would reduce many of these issues by taking the needs of the "children" into account and providing them with information that most people simply take for granted. Mistakes were made in the past, but at least they can be corrected for future generations. However, change will not occur until our voices are heard instead of pushed aside.

ASRM: Pressure Builds for Open Identity Sperm Donation

The study that I completed with Dr. Patricia Mahlstedt was discussed in the following article. **A few corrections are worth noting. 1. Although 60% of our participants believed that only donors who release their identity should be used (versus anonymous donors), an additional 15% did not support any type of sperm/egg donation. 2. The participant attitudes were not mainly very good to good, as indicated here. Instead, they were evenly distributed from very bad to very good.

By Kate Johnson, Contributing Writer, MedPage TodayPublished

SAN FRANCISCO -- Studies of people conceived with donated sperm suggest that many do not support the practice of anonymous sperm donation.

To read the article, click here:
http://www.medpagetoday.com/MeetingCoverage/ASRM/11783

Radio Lab - NPR

Thanks, Ari, for a great program about the "history of sperm."

One of three segments discussed my search, including interviews with two incredible men who went through DNA testing with me. Each segment is 20 minutes. You may listen to them here: http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/episodes/2008/11/21

"Fatherhood" (2nd segment - starts at 22:30)
In this segment, Ari Daniel Shapiro introduces us to a young woman and her years-long search for the man whose donated sperm was used in her conception. Kathleen has thought long and hard about what fatherhood means, about the psychology of genetic relationships, and about the complicated emotions tied up in family, responsibility, and identity. Her persistence and determination brought her into strangely intimate contact with complete strangers, who had some surprising and unexpected reactions to her sudden appearance in their lives.

The other segments included:

"Sperm" (1st segment)
Why so many sperm? We turn to the animal kingdom to answer that question, which lands us on a tour of sperm battles in ducks, flying pig sperm, and promiscuous whippoorwills. We ponder the necessity of males in a world where sperm can be frozen and kept for all eternity. And we sit quietly in a stark sonic space with a widow struggling to keep some essence of her husband alive.

Matthew Cobb takes us back to 1677, when Anton Van Leewenhoek first identified sperm and there was much talk of souls and miniature men residing in the seminal fluid. Upon observation it became clear that there were an awful lot of those little guys that never turned into babies! Jad wonders: why so many sperm? Bird-sex specialist Tim Birkhead, of the University of Sheffield, explains what effect imperfect monogamy has on reproductive strategies. Then sperm physiologist Joanna Ellington and her pig Hazel give us some insight into the obstacles sperm must overcome in their odyssey from their male originator to their female destination.

"Deep Freeze" (3rd segment)
Genetics researcher and author Steve Jones speculates on how males got their start, and then presents us with a biological mystery: Why have males hung around so long? Males don't appear to be biologically necessary. In fact, some species, says Steve, have done away with them entirely. But surely males have some use? Steve makes one argument for why we need men ... or at least a freezer full of sperm. NPR's Nell Greenfieldboyce tells us how news of a new technology allowing the extraction of sperm from a man posthumously impacted a grieving New York widow named Leisha.

Anonymity

Most people seem to understand our need for medical history. Many acknowledge why we want to know our heritage. Others, however, just view those of us who search and/or try to explain why anonymous donations need to cease in all countries as being "ungrateful" or "inappreciative." While I have also encountered incredible support from a variety of people that I deeply appreciate, I also can't count the number of times that I - and many other donor-conceived people - have been called these inaccurate names.

From my perspective, donor conception exists due to the deep longings of adults to experience parenthood. Therefore, shouldn't the best interests and the well-being of the children - the entire reason this industry exists in the first place - be at the forefront of the anonymity debate? Why are our needs and rights frequently pushed away or minimized? Many of us are grown. Although parents in the past were unaware of the potential effects of anonymous donation on their children, we - the grown children - now have the ability to discuss our needs. We can expose mistakes from the past so that they are fixed for future generations. Like our parents who sought donor conception rather than adoption to form a biological connection, genetics/biology matter to many of us, too.

Some people believe that only a small group of donor-conceived people share my thoughts and feelings. Others claim that it's a higher percentage. Whether the minority, or the majority, of people produced through 'donated' (or, technically, sold) gametes feel similar to me, they deserve to have options available to them to seek answers for their own well-being. We are not looking for financial support. We are not trying to replace our parent(s). We are not ungrateful. We are simply wanting basic answers to who we are, where we belong, and what our biological parents/relatives are like that most of the population takes for granted.

Anonymity only exists because it appeals to some donors (who want to no connection to the children they produce) and some potential parents (who are concerned about third party involvement). It has absolutely nothing to do with the best interests of the resulting children. Many countries - including England, the Netherlands,Sweden, Norway, Finland, Switzerland, Austria, New Zealand, and the states of Victoria, New South Wales and Western Australia - already recognized this through the banning of anonymous donations. Other countries, however, are still prioritizing profit and interests of parents over the rights of the children.

Donor X Project - Great Resource for Donor-Conceived People

Kirk Maxey, creator of the Donor X Project, recently identified the X chromosome that I inherited from my sperm donor. Females inherit an X chromosome from their maternal side that reshuffles generation to generation. In other words, my X chromosome is different than my mother's. In contrast, the X chromosome inherited from the father remains the same. Therefore, Kirk deduced 5 of the 6 values on my paternal X chromosome. Apparently my donor's X-STR signature is 43, 12, 17, 20 or 21, and 10. In addition, my first value, 43, is so uncommon that there is only one other individual in the entire CaBRI database with this value. As more people voluntarily submit their DNA to Kirk's database, perhaps I will eventually be able to find a match through my paternal X chromosome.

To learn more about Kirk's project, go to: http://www.cabrimed.org/donorconceivedservices.jsp;jsessionid=5B75C1F222A88793032857F4C08DE878

Looking for Half-Brother with Down Syndrome

In addition to my search for my anonymous sperm donor, I have also been on a quest to locate my 27-year-old maternal half-brother with Down syndrome. He, too, was conceived through an anonymous Baylor student in Houston, Texas, but was placed up for adoption right after his birth in 1981. I have contacted the adoption agency (Spaulding), the lawyer involved in his adoption, and other organizations dealing with adoption and/or special needs in an attempt to get in touch with his parents. Nothing has worked thus far.

I know that my half-brother was adopted by a family in a specific city near Houston. His adoptive parents have two biological children without disabilities as well as two other adopted grown 'children' who also have Down syndrome.

If you know of a family that fits this profile or if you are aware of other resources/people that could assist with my search, please contact me.

Who Am I? Nature/Nurture Debate

To what degree does genetics determine who we are? To what degree is it environment? This, of course, takes us back to the nature-nurture debate. Sometimes people try to convince me that genetics are not as important as environment, but I believe that each has its place in contributing to who we are.

For example, there are parts of me that are unexplainable in terms of environment. Imagine my surprise when I discovered by accident at age 21 that I can sketch despite the fact that I have never taken an art lesson in my life. Since nobody in my mother's family has this ability, I had no idea to even look for it. As a result, I can't help but wonder what other abilities I have that I am completely unaware of.

Likewise, my reflection is determined by genetics. When I look in the mirror, it is sometimes as though I see a stranger looking back at me. I have heard several adoptees say this, too. While my thin build did come from my mom's side, my height - or, lack of height - did not. I am 5'2", yet my maternal cousins range from 5'10" to 6'5". I also suspect that someone in my paternal family shares my dark blue eyes that have not appeared in any maternal relatives.

I wonder what led my sperm donor to become a doctor. Did I inherit my interest in medical issues from him? Perhaps his genes explain why I am fascinated by TV programs on Discovery Health. Maybe his genes contributed to my decision at age seven to become the only vegetarian in my family as a result of my need to take care of anything living.

By studying my maternal relatives for similiarities and differences to me, I am at least able to deduce what my biological father might look like, act like, and enjoy doing. As a result, I'm also able to figure out how we are probably similar. While bonds may be formed regardless of genetics, I cannot deny reminders each day that a mystery man has contributed to who I am.

My Pictures - Current and Timeline

Timeline
11 months

With dad, age 4

Age 10

Age 13

Age 21

Age 26

"Picture" of Anonymous Sperm Donor Father

Last year, my friend turned a photograph of her as an infant sitting in her mother's lap into an art project to work through painful emotions from her traumatic upbringing. I realized that I, too, have strong emotions about my situation, although different than my friend's, and that I, too, would like to try a similar project. But how would this be possible without anything tangible of my anonymous sperm donor father?

I decided to create his picture in the form of a flesh colored, animated sperm. I drew a cartoon face, given that I know none of its true details. I added brown hair, to match mine, and dark blue eyes, my unique physical trait that has never appeared in my maternal family. Although my drawing turned out far from attractive, it is the first and only picture that I possess of my biological father. On the back of my drawing, I wrote all of the questions that I want to ask him one day if and when our paths cross.

Dreams

I have heard several donor-conceived people and adoptees discuss dreams that they have about their unknown birthparent(s). I thought I would share two of mine. One is about my sperm donor father, while the other is about the loss involved when our records are destroyed.

During my first paternity test, I had a dream where I met my sperm donor on a bus. As we chatted, he checked my reflexes to make sure my body "functioned correctly." His face remained a blur. When I woke up, I found it amusing that the one piece of information I have about this man - that he probably attended medical school - got incorporated into my dream.

I had a second dream during another paternity test. In real life, I live in an apartment complex where the dumpster is located nearby. It is usually emptied around 6 to 8 in the morning. In my dream, this dumpster outside my apartment window was being emptied. I ran outside to explain to the men emptying it that the dumpster contained all of the records for thousands of donor-conceived people, including our medical history, heritage, and the identity of our donors. Despite my pleaing for the men to preserve the records and my cries that destroying these documents could mean that we might never know our families or our own histories, these records were destroyed. When I woke up, the dumpster was actually being emptied.

Donor Babies Search for Their Anonymous Fathers - Houston Press article, Nov. 2008

Wendy Kramer, creator of Donor Sibling Registry

Kathleen LaBounty

This is an in-depth, well-written, and informative article about my story as well as other information about sperm donation. Wendy Kramer was also interviewed. (I have a few minor corrections to make, just for the record. 1. My mom requested a man with blue eyes, not blond hair. 2. I have not been in People Magazine. 3. I was a speaker at an international conference in Canada about reforming this industry and creating ethical practice worldwide. However, many others were there, too, including Wendy, a bioethicist, Kirk Maxey, a few other donor-conceived people, etc.) http://www.houstonpress.com/2008-11-06/news/donor-babies-search-for-their-anonymous-fathers/

My Story

(Picture of My Quest)

My name is Kathleen. I was conceived May 4, 1981 at St. Luke's Hospital. My parents received no information about my sperm donor, including my medical history - despite that I am diabetic - or heritage, except that he was most likely a student at Baylor College of Medicine in 1981. Unfortunately clinics also did not yet assign donor numbers enabling half-siblings to locate each other and perhaps their sperm donors.

Since all records about the procedure were destroyed years ago and I exhausted various avenues to obtain information, I attempted to find my sperm donor through old medical school yearbooks. Unfortunately, no one man jumped off the page as I had naively hoped. Therefore, I decided to look up recent pictures and contact information to try to narrow my search. Despite sending out 600 letters, receiving 250 responses, having 40 sperm donors come forward, and going through 16 DNA tests, I still have not found my family. In an unusual and unexpected twist, I did establish very close friendships with numerous of my sperm donor's former classmates who call me their "collective pseudo daughter." I now hope to use my story to help other families affected by egg/sperm/embryo donation and to advocate for needed legislation.

Beyond my background with donor conception, I am finishing my master's degree in psychology to become a therapist. One of my goals is to further my work with children and another is to leave the world a slightly better place. I have worked with (and been very touched by) preschoolers with Down syndrome, children battling cancer, abused kids living at an emergency shelter, and adolescents in a psychiatric hospital.

Voices of 85 Adults Conceived Via Sperm Donation

Study: The Voices of 85 Adults Conceived Via Sperm Donation
Infertility counselor (psychologist) Dr. Mahlstedt and I examined the attitudes and experiences of 85 adults conceived through sperm donation throughout the world through a study that will be published in the medical journal Sterility and Fertility in early 2009. The abstract was also presented in November 2008 at the American Society for Reproductive Medicine conference in California. I hope that the voices of these donor-conceived will be listened to and learned from. The highlights of our results include that:

-Most of our participants viewed the man who provided sperm as a biological father (versus donor).

-Most searched for him.

-Most wanted to know their donor and half-siblings.

-Most believed that the donor's name should be on the birth certificate in some manner.

-While only 1.2% of our participants had identifying information about their donors, 86.9% wanted to know his identity. More specifically, 35.7% of our sample wanted to meet him once, 26.2% wanted to establish a relationship, 25.0% wanted identifying information, 11.9% only desired nonidentifying information, and 1.2% didn't want anything.

-Most would not be egg/sperm donors themselves or use egg/sperm donation to conceive children.

-12.9% felt that sperm donation shouldn't be practiced at all, 1.2% supported only anonymous donations, 3.5% supported donors who provide some non-identifying information, 57.7% supported only donors who would release identifying information to offspring of any age, and

24.7% believed that donors who provide indepth nonidentifying information is acceptable.

**August 27, 2010 Update**
Our study was just mentioned in Psychology Today! The article contrasts the film The Kids Are All Right to actual data gathered from research on donor-concevied people.

Are the Kids Really All Right?
The interests and rights of people conceived by donor sperm
Published on August 27, 2010
Vardit Ravitsky and Joanna E. Scheib

In the recently released film The Kids Are All Right, two siblings track down their sperm donor and introduce him to their lesbian mothers. What ensues is a plausible unfolding of events when genetically related strangers meet. The film's portrayal of the desire to meet the donor is empathetic. It shows in a positive way how donors and offspring might interact, take interest in and learn about each other, and form a new kind of relationship -- not that of a father-child, but clearly one that matters to both parties. The film also does a good job of helping those of us who have always known our origins to understand why some donor-conceived people want to find their donor.


Disappointingly, however, the film fails real donor-conceived people, and even damages their likelihood of being able to find their donors. The film's portrayal of the interactions between the donor and the two parents play on prospective parents' fears that supporting their child's interest in exploring their identity and donor origins will wreak havoc with their family. The message seems to be that the only way a donor-conceived family can survive is to exclude all contact with the donor. Donor-offspring contact can be good, but ultimately everyone's best interests are served by not encouraging such contact and, in fact, perhaps even selecting an anonymous, never-knowable donor with whom contact is unlikely.

Does Hollywood reflect -- in the case of this film -- the emotional and social reality of donor-conceived individuals? The experience of contact between donors and parents? No research to date provides evidence that donor-conceived families are at risk for disruption due to donor-offspring contact. Evidence is accumulating, however, to support the idea that offspring interest in their donor origins is a normal, and not a pathological, part of psychological development. Evidence also shows that problems can result from avoiding talking about the donor origins of one's family and denying individuals access to their donor's information.

Yet the system is not designed to provide access to such information. In the United States, disclosure of donor identity is regulated by neither state nor by federal law. Donor anonymity is legally permissible and still predominates. No central registry exists to record and safely retain information that would allow possible future linkage of donors and offspring or offspring related through the same donor (and raised in different families). As a result, many individuals with donor origins will never have access to information about their donors (either detailed nonidentifying information or identifying information subject to donor's consent to release).

Does this reality raise serious ethical concerns? Do donor-conceived individuals really want to have access to information about donors, as depicted in the film? To answer this question we need empirical data about their needs, interests, and life experiences. Unfortunately, the collection of such data is particularly challenging for a few reasons. For example, most parents do not tell their children that they were conceived using donor-sperm and confidentiality issues make it difficult to recruit this population.

Despite such challenges data have been accumulating over the past decade from small studies conducted in different countries indicating that indeed donor-conceived individuals have a strong interest in having access to information about their donors. For example, in 2005 Scheib and colleagues asked 29 donor offspring, ages 12 to 17 years old, from a program that allows adult offspring to identify their donors whether they were planning to ask for their donor's identity. The majority said they were moderately to very likely to request this information.

Three recent surveys with relatively large samples offer additional insight. A survey, published last spring in Reproductive BioMedicine Online, of 165 individuals who are members of an organization that connects donors and donor-conceived families is the first study to obtain systematic data from individuals conceived using anonymous sperm donation about their experiences searching for and contacting their donor and others who have the same donor. The findings indicate that the main reasons individuals searched were curiosity about the characteristics of the donor and the desire to gain a better understanding of their genetic identity. Wanting to meet the donor and medical reasons were also commonly cited. In the open-ended questions, many wrote about "the importance of knowing their genetic or ancestral history, and the sense of frustration they felt at not being able to access this information."

About a third said that the search was prompted by a change in their personal circumstance or by reaching a developmental milestone, such as becoming a teenager, an adult, getting married, or having children. For those who had their own children, searching was a way of providing them with an ancestral history.

The second recent survey is of 485 adults conceived through sperm donation that was designed to "probe the identity, kinship, well-being, and social justice experiences of donor conceived adults." It is the largest reported sample to date and its methodology of random sampling reduces sample bias. Data from this survey show that donor offspring indeed believe that being told the truth about their conception and having access to information about donors is important to their well-being.

Eighty percent felt that "donor conception is fine as long as parents tell children the truth about their conception from an early age" or that telling early on "makes it easier for the children." In addition, 68 percent felt that they had the right to nonidentifying information about their donor, 67 percent that they had the right to know his identity, and 63 percent that they should have the right to have the opportunity to form some kind of relationship with him (although only 34 percent actually wanted some relationship).

It is important that these findings be replicated, however, as the study had both ethical and methodological problems. And indeed another study of adult offspring published last spring (but without the problems) in the journal Fertility & Sterility also found that offspring benefit from and value both donor information and being told the truth, suggesting that at least this finding is grounded in reality.

What clearly emerges from these surveys is the urgent need to secure at least the possibility of future access to information about donors. The current situation in the U.S. therefore raises serious ethical concerns. The human need to know where we come from includes knowing our genetic origins.

Vardit Ravitsky is an assistant professor in the bioethics program, faculty of medicine at the University of Montreal. Joanna E. Scheib is an associate adjunct professor in the department of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and research director of The Sperm Bank of California in Berkeley. An earlier version of this essay appeared in The Hastings Center's Bioethics Forum.

FAQ's, Needed Legislation, and Resources

FAQ’s, Needed Legislation, and Resources

These are a few questions frequently asked to those of us conceived through sperm donation.

1. How can you be against something that brought you into the world?
-I believe that you can appreciate your life without supporting your method of conception. People produced through rape (which obviously involves an act of violence that does not apply to my situation) or an affair may feel similarly. While I am grateful to be here, I only support known (versus anonymous) donors.

2. Are you mad at your parents?
-No, I'm not mad at my mom, dad, or biological father. I believe that my parents sought donor conception as a "medical treatment." Nobody was aware of how we, the "products" of a business deal, might one day feel. I'm also not mad at my biological father. I believe that the vast majority of the young men who are targeted to become sperm donors are naive but kind and well-intentioned. Most probably wanted to help a family and needed money.
However, I think we need to learn from mistakes of the past and correct them for future generations. I also hope that my biological father will come forward one day. If he would give me a chance, I'm pretty sure that I would grow on him.

3. It's just one cell. Why do you care?
-That one cell led to my existence. It's not one cell, but half of who I am. If genetics weren't important in the first place, this booming industry wouldn't exist.
In addition, I am curious about the other half of my family, including aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents. I also want to meet my half-siblings, whether I have 2, 20, or 200 of them. There were no limits placed on the number of children that one man could produce, which increases the likelihood that I may have numerous half-brothers and half-sisters.

I also want access to my medical history - which would be helpful not only since I am diabetic, but for appropriate screening for other illnesses - and heritage. I have even googled my features to try to figure out my ancestry.

4. Aren't you violating a contract by searching?
-No, I am simply the result of a contract that was signed by my mom, the clinic, and my donor long before I was even born.

5. Is your search threatening to your dad?
-My dad knows that he's my one and only dad. Although I do view the other man as my biological father versus an unimportant donor, he is not a second dad. To me, your dad is the person who raises you as his own. I think that each of us must define these terms for ourself - donor, biological father, and dad.

6. How is sperm donation any different than donating blood (or an organ)?

-While some people may think that the two seem similar, I find sperm donation and blood donation very different. Sperm donation involves paying a person to help CREATE life, while blood is given to SUSTAIN life. Furthermore, sperm donation contributes to the resulting child's sense of self and identity. Sperm donation also potentionally tranfers a sense of loss and grief to the children that does not apply to blood donation.

7. I'm thinking about using donated eggs/sperm because I'm single (or in a same-sex relationship or struggling with infertility). What would you recommend in terms of the best interest of my future child?
-I highly commend those who learn about all perspectives prior to going through this process. I think it takes great insight. My main advice is to use a known donor. Even if your child does not feel like me, at least he/she will have options available. Also, I strongly encourage honesty. Tell your child at an early age (in an age-appropriate manner) about his/her conception. This avoids secrecy and deception within the family.

8. What legislation do you want passed?
-I support the objectives as stated by The International Network of Donor Conception Organizations (INODCO, http://www.inodco.com/).
1. End donor anonymity.
2. Track all recipients, donors and births and safeguard all records in a central, government data bank indefinitely. Information to be accessible by all involved families.
3. Mandate reporting of donor conceived live births from each donor.
4. Limit the number of births conceived with the sperm or eggs from any given donor
5. Require donors to regularly update their family medical history. Medical information to be included in donor data bank.
6. Mandate genetic testing for donors and include genetic information in donor bank.
7. Push our respective governments to inquire into followup health histories of egg donors.
8. Require mandatory third party counseling for all prospective donors and parents.
9. Require legal and financial protection for anonymous donors so that they may feel safe to come forward.
**The following organizations also push for the above, new legislation internationally. (Endorsed by the Donor Sibling Registry, USA; The Donor Conception Network, UK; CaBRI, USA; MAIA, France; Procreation Medicalement Anonyme, France; Donor Conceptuion Support Group, Australia; and International Donor Offspring Alliance (IDOA)

9. What Resources are Available?
For additional information about donor conception as well as a registry to look for donor relatives, visit the Donor Sibling Registry (http://www.donorsiblingregistry.com/). Other helpful sites include the Infertility Network of Canada(http://www.infertilitynetwork.org/) and The United Kingdom Donor Conception Network (http://www.donor-conception-network.org/). Information about finding biological relatives through the X chromosome (for women) and Y chrosome (for men) can be found at www.cabrimed.org/donorconceivedservices.jsp and http://www.familytreedna.com/. To view a site containing pictures and detailed stories of donor-conceived people, go to http://www.searchingformyspermdonorfather.org/. Online groups about donor conception include People Conceived Via Artificial Insemination (PCVAI), IDOA, and Tangled Webs. For information about legally binding DNA testing, visit Identigene at http://www.dnatesting.com/. For non-legally binding DNA testing, visit the Genetic Testing Laboratories, Inc. (GTL) at http://www.gtldna.com/customerservice.html.